Unbelievable! This Western Hotel in France Will Blow Your Mind!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from a stay that wasn't just "good," it was… well, it was supposed to be "unbelievable!" Let’s see if the hype lived up to the hotel’s promise. Here's my brutally honest review, with all the messy details and rambling thoughts you probably actually want. Consider this your insider's guide.
The Hotel: Unbelievable! This Western Hotel in France Will Blow Your Mind! (Let's see…)
First things first: Is it actually accessible? Now, "accessible" is a word that can be interpreted in a million ways. The elevator was a HUGE plus, thank heavens. They claim Facilities for disabled guests, but honestly, I wish hotels would be crystal clear about what that actually entails. The website had some vague phrases, and I didn't press too hard, But having a Doorman and a Concierge readily available (more on that later) was a huge help. The car park [on-site] offered a decent number of spaces, but the walk to some rooms could be a challenge for someone with mobility issues. I'd call ahead to be absolutely sure this place is going to work for you if this is a major concern.
Getting Around & Getting There:
Airport transfer? Yep, they offer it, but double-check pricing. Car park [free of charge] is a major win for anyone driving – which is probably a lot of people wanting to explore the area! Bicycle parking is also available so, if you're a cyclist, it is a good place to start. Taxi service is on offer, and seemed reliable.
Cleanliness & Safety (The COVID-19 Dance)
Okay, post-pandemic, safety is everything. And here’s where they REALLY tried. Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. Check. Staff trained in safety protocol. Also check. I saw a LOT of Staff trained in safety protocol (though I'm not sure they were all thrilled about wearing masks all day). They had Hand sanitizer everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Anti-viral cleaning products were apparently the weapons of choice in the war against germs. This all seemed very comforting, even if it did make me feel like I was living in a hospital sometimes. Rooms sanitized between stays? I sure hope so! Daily disinfection in common areas, too. They also had Cashless payment service which, in my book, is a win. A bit more about the rooms later, but I didn’t see or have use for Room sanitization opt-out available.
The Room (My Kingdom for a Quiet Night!)
My room, a "Superior Double," was… well, let's call it "charming." It had Air conditioning, thank GOD because it was HOT. Other things? Blackout curtains were a LIFESAVER. Seriously, allowed me to actually sleep. Soundproofing? Okay, so, it’s not perfect, but it was better than some hotels I’ve endured. The extra long bed was appreciated by a tall person, and the bathrobes were gloriously fluffy! I enjoyed the Complimentary tea and the Coffee/tea maker. What I didn't enjoy? The Alarm clock. Why, oh WHY, do hotels still use those infernal things? I swear, the beep of the alarm clock always makes me want to throw things. The In-room safe box gave me peace of mind. Free bottled water was a nice touch (essential, really). Internet access – wireless [Wi-Fi [free]] worked well when it worked, but occasionally dropped out. Hair dryer, Toiletries, Mirror, Scale, you know, the usual suspects. Having a bathtub was relaxing after a long day. Additional toilet? Nope, but the bathroom was functional.
One minor gripe: the window that opens. Okay, I like fresh air, but it was located in an awkward place and it took me a moment to figure out how to unlock it…
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (The All-Important Food!)
Oh boy. Let’s get to the good stuff. Breakfast [buffet]? Yes, and a pretty good one. They had the usual suspects – Western breakfast staples alongside some Asian breakfast. Some of the fruits weren't quite ripe. They had Coffee/tea in restaurant and Bottle of water. You could even get Breakfast in room, which I appreciated. The Restaurant was open most of the day, and they offered A la carte in restaurant, so I could just grab something. The Snack bar was a godsend when I was peckish. Room service [24-hour] was a lifesaver on one night, when I was too lazy to get out. Poolside bar? Bliss. The Happy hour was definitely a plus point, and the music wasn't half bad! There was a Vegetarian restaurant option, but I didn't try it. The food was generally good, even if some of the options felt a little… institutional. The Desserts in restaurant were, well, they were desserts!
Ways to Relax (Spa Day Dreams)
The Spa was a MAJOR draw. They have a Swimming pool [outdoor], which looked gorgeous… and was always crowded. I never even bothered to try. There’s a Sauna, a Steamroom, a Massage, a Body scrub, and a Body wrap. The Pool with view made for a good photo op. My massage was… fantastic! I swear, the masseuse worked out knots I didn’t even know I had. I’m still feeling relaxed writing this review!
For The Kids (Family Friendly, or Not?)
I didn't bring any kids, but I observed… They claim to be Family/child friendly. I saw a few families, and the kids seemed to be having a blast. They have Babysitting service, which is nice, and Kids meal. There's also Kids facilities (a play area).
Services and Conveniences (The Little Things That Matter)
This is where they really shone. Air conditioning in public area, which was vital. Concierge? Amazing. The concierge, Francois, was an absolute LEGEND. Seriously, he made my trip. He got me dinner reservations, helped me with my luggage (I pack heavy!), and even found a pharmacy for me when I had a minor ailment. A true service. The Doorman was always on call, the Cash withdrawal was handy, and the Laundry service proved that they know what they are doing. Meeting/banquet facilities and On-site event hosting are ready, should you need them. Their Convenience store provided me with all of the essentials I required.
Internet (The Digital World)
The Wi-Fi [free] in the rooms was mentioned before and it was okay when working. Internet [LAN] seems like an old way of doing things, although there was a port in the room.
Overall Vibe & Quirks
Look, this hotel isn't perfect. No hotel is. There were some minor (and some major) imperfections. But, overall, it was good. The staff were lovely, the facilities were impressive, and the spa was a game-changer. It mostly lived up to the "unbelievable" hype… and hey, the imperfections are part of the story, right?
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Headline: Escape to Unbelievable! This Western Hotel in France Will Blow Your Mind! (And We Mean It!)
Body:
Tired of the ordinary? Craving an escape that's truly unforgettable? Look no further than Unbelievable! – the sensational Western Hotel in France ready to sweep you off your feet!
Imagine:
- Pure Relaxation: Indulge in our luxurious Spa, featuring a Pool with a View, Sauna, Steamroom, and rejuvenating Massage. Treat yourself to a Body scrub and Body wrap and escape the everyday.
- Culinary Delights: Savor exquisite flavors at our Restaurants, serving up everything from a hearty Western breakfast to international cuisine. Enjoy a drink at our Poolside bar during Happy hour!
- Unparalleled Comfort: Relax in your perfectly appointed room (each with Air conditioning!), featuring Free Wi-Fi, a bathtub, and Blackout curtains for a perfect night's sleep.
- Family Fun: Bring the whole family! We're Family/child friendly, with Kids facilities and a Babysitting service available.
- Safety First: We prioritize your well-being with rigorous Cleanliness and safety protocols, including Anti-viral cleaning products, Hand sanitizer throughout, and Staff trained in safety protocol.
Accessibility? We've got you covered with key features like an elevator and Facilities for disabled guests.
Book your stay at Unbelievable! today and get:
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your granny's meticulously planned trip. This is my trip. To… well, to the Best Western L'Aquarium Arras Nord Fresnes-les-Montauban in France. Don't judge. I've been promising myself a “relaxing” getaway for like, five years. And hey, it's got a pool. A pool! That's practically the French Riviera, right? Right?!
Day 1: The Arrival (and the Existential Dread)
- 10:00 AM: Okay, I get up. I actually get up. Which, honestly, is a small miracle. Last night involved a questionable amount of red wine (promise this won't be a theme…famous last words) and a deep dive into conspiracy theories on YouTube. Don't ask.
- 11:00 AM: The train. Ah, the train. The smell of train stations… a heady mix of stale coffee, desperation and… hope? Maybe. I'm clutching a crumpled map and a half-eaten croissant that's somehow already smeared with jam ALL over my left hand. This is going well.
- 12:30 PM: Arrive at the train station. It's…fine. I mean, it's a train station. Functionally ugly. A perfect metaphor for my life right now, maybe? Don't go there.
- 1:00 PM: Taxi to the hotel. The driver, a charming older gentleman with a mustache that could rival a walrus, tells me, in broken English, that Fresnes-les-Montauban is "très tranquille." Tranquille. That's what I need, yeah? No pressure, no chaos. Just… tranquility. I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
- 1:30 PM: Check-in at the Best Western. The hotel's exterior? A beige brick square. Not exactly inspiring, but hey, it's got a pool! (I’m still clinging to that pool.) The receptionist is pleasant, if a bit brisk. I fumble with my keycard, nearly dropping it three times. Smooth, Rebecca. Real smooth.
- 2:00 PM: My room! Actually…not bad! Clean. Decent-sized bed. A view… of a parking lot. Okay, so maybe not the Eiffel Tower, but hey, it’s a room. There's a weird, slightly musty smell that I decide to blame on the history of the carpets.
- 2:30 PM: The Pool. Or, the "Aquarium," as they say it in the name. Okay, it's not as fancy as the pictures. It's…small. And filled with… questionable things. Hair? Maybe a rogue band-aid? I jump in anyway. The water is surprisingly warm. I spend a solid hour drifting in the pool staring at the ceiling and trying not to think about…everything. This is the definition of my relaxing getaway!
- 4:00 PM: Wander around town, trying to find the legendary historical sights. See a cute cathedral, and then I see a graveyard. The town is full of memorials from the world war and it really set me thinking. War sucks.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. They serve… everything. Pizza, mussels, some intimidating-looking snails. I chicken out and order a burger. The burger isn't a burger, its a French-ified burger that is more delicious than any burger I've had in a year. The waiter seems genuinely thrilled that I like it. That's nice, I guess.
- 7:30 PM: Back in the room. I check my phone. A flurry of emails! Work. My mother. People needing things. Ugh. I slam my laptop shut and vow to ignore the world for the rest of the night. (Narrator voice: She lasted approximately 20 minutes.)
- 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Writing my travel journal, or trying to. This is harder than it seems; I'm really not a writer at heart but I am trying. It's a bit of a mess, but at least I'm trying to write about my time here.
- 10:00 PM: Turn off the lights. Lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. Feel a profound sense of…nothingness. Is this what tranquility feels like? Is this all there is? (Dramatic sigh.)
Day 2: War and Waffles (and a Near-Meltdown)
- 8:00 AM: Wake up. Ugh.
- 8:30 AM: Breakfast at the hotel. The buffet is…extensive. Croissants! Pain au chocolat! A sausage that looked suspiciously like it was made of…mystery meat. I stick to the pastries. Because French pastries. And because sometimes, you just need sugar.
- 9:30 AM: A visit to the war memorials. I'm not normally the "war memorial" type. But the stories, the scale… and the feeling of overwhelming… sadness. The sheer number of names carved into the wall. It's humbling. It's heartbreaking. I choke up several times. Seriously, bring tissues.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Decide to try a local Café. Order…something. It includes an onion tart and it is delicious.
- 1:30 PM: I decided to try to find the restaurant where I got the delicious burger. The journey is a complete disaster. I get lost. I get frustrated. I stomp around like a petulant child. The map is useless. Google Maps is my friend (but tells me to walk on the wrong side of the road). I nearly burst into tears in the middle of the street.
- 2:00 PM: The food place. I take a seat and order the burger. It is more delicious than I remembered. I eat two.
- 4:00 PM: Back to the pool. Today's theme: floatation. I spend an hour just…existing in the water. Which is exactly what I needed.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. Another burger for me! It's a sign! A sign that I'm happy (ish) and that this hotel is great.
- 7:00 PM: Back in the room. I see the sun setting. Wow.
- 8:00 PM: Check the phone. Back to the emails. Ugh.
Day 3: The Departure (and The lingering feelings of…something?)
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast. More pastry. I'm starting to think I could live on croissants alone. (Don't tell my doctor.)
- 9:00 AM: Final swim. One last lap in the "Aquarium.” It's still…small. And the water still smells a bit like chlorine and existential dread. But I've grown oddly fond of it.
- 10:00 AM: Check out. The receptionist is still brisk. I say goodbye.
- 10:30 AM: Taxi back to the train station. The walrus-mustached driver is there. He asks me if I enjoyed Fresnes-les-Montauban. "Oui," I say. "C'était…très tranquille." (I kind of choke a little while saying this.)
- 11:00 AM: Train.
- 12:30 PM: Back home.
- 1:00 PM : I sit here in my room.
- 1:30 PM: I realize I'm staring at the ceiling.
So, yeah. Not exactly an action-packed adventure. But… I survived. I ate burgers. I swam in a pool. I wept at a war memorial. I got lost. I got found. I felt… something. Was it relaxation? Maybe. Probably not. But it was something. And maybe, just maybe, that's enough. Until the next trip. (Which absolutely will involve a spa. Promise.)
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Um... Why Are We Even Doing This FAQ Thing? I'm Already Confused.
Okay, okay, deep breaths. Look, the official answer? "To address common inquiries." Blah, blah, blah. Honestly? I think *someone* (probably HR, bless their corporate hearts) thought it was a good idea. And now, here we are. Honestly? I just wanted an excuse to rant, and this seemed like the perfect platform. Consider this my therapy session, with you, the reader, as my unwilling counselor. Fair warning.
So, Like, What *Exactly* Is This Thing We're Talking About? Is it Pizza? Because If So, I Have Opinions.
Not pizza. Sadly. Though, pizza *is* a good distraction technique, just sayin'. We're basically trying to define and explain... *everything*. You know, whatever we decide "everything" is today. It's like, a giant, ever-expanding blob of... ideas. Think of it as a poorly organized, often-contradictory brain dump. And sometimes, it *will* be about pizza. (Deep dish, always.)
This Already Feels Overwhelming. Do I *Have* To Read All This? Can I Just Skip To The End?
Look, no one *forces* you to do anything. (Unless you're, like, a prisoner. In that case, probably read it. Might be good for passing time.) You *can* skip to the end. You *can* read every single word. You can, for all I care, print it out, eat it, and then blame it on a rogue paperclip. It's your life. But be warned: skipping might mean missing out on crucial insights, like the definitive ranking of cheese pizza toppings, or my crippling fear of pigeons. So... your call.
Okay, Let's Talk About... (Deep Breath)... THE CATEGORIES. What's The Deal With Those?
Categories? Oh, those. Those are *loose* guidelines, my friend. Think of them as suggestions, more like "maybe this vaguely fits here" than "this is 100% accurate." I started with a few ideas, then got distracted by a squirrel, and now, well, they're… a work in progress. They're fluid. Like, really fluid. (And sometimes, completely, hilariously wrong.) Just go with it.
And How About The "Deep Dive" Stuff? Will There Be Technical Jargon I Won't Get?
Oh, absolutely. Get ready for jargon. But don't panic! Even *I* don't understand half of it. It's just... word salad, mostly. My policy? If it sounds too complicated, I'll simplify it. Or, more realistically, I'll Google the heck out of it and *hope* the answers make sense. If they don't, we'll all be confused together. Misery loves company, right? (Also, sometimes I just make stuff up. Don't tell anyone.)
What About... The Tone? Is This Going To Be... Dry? Because I *HATE* Dry.
Dry? Oh, honey, no. This will be anything *but* dry. My goal is to make it hilarious, insightful, and slightly unhinged. Think of it as a caffeinated stream of consciousness fueled by a healthy dose of cynicism and a crippling fear of commitment. I'm aiming for the tone of a slightly crazed friend who's had way too much coffee and is desperately trying to stay awake during a particularly boring webinar. Emphasis on *slightly* crazed. (Maybe.)
So, Let's Get Down To Brass Tacks. What's The Number One Thing I Should Know?
The *one* thing? Okay... The single most important thing? Prepare yourself. It's probably going to change. But for now? Embrace the chaos. Seriously. Just... let go of any expectations. Because whatever you're expecting, this won't be it. Because that would be boring, and we are *not* boring. We are... well, you'll see. (And if you *are* bored, send me pizza. It's the only thing that can fix this.)
Okay, Okay, Fine. But Can We Talk About... Mistakes? Because I'm a *Master* of Those.
Oh, mistakes. My *favorite* topic! Let's be honest: there will be mistakes. I *guarantee* it. Typos, factual errors, wild tangents that veer off the road and never come back… it's all part of the charm. Think of it as a live performance, and I'm the clumsy magician who keeps dropping the handkerchief. Embrace the screw-ups. They're where the best stories come from. Like the time I tried to bake a cake and accidentally set off the smoke alarm? Good times. (Also, I still can't bake. Seriously.)
Will There Be Personal Anecdotes? Because I Live For Those. And Drama.
Oh, honey, you bet your bottom dollar there will be personal anecdotes. And drama? My middle name! (Okay, it's not, it's *Elizabeth*… but you get the idea.) I’ll be spilling all the tea. Prepare for embarrassing stories, tales of epic failures, and maybe, just maybe, the occasional triumph. Think of me as your slightly oversharing friend who's always ready with a story, even if it's completely irrelevant. Like the time I accidentally wore mismatched socks to a job interview… Still haunts me. Don't worry, you'll get the good stuff.
Is There a "Point"? Like, A Real Point To All This Rambling?
A point? Maybe. Maybe not. Really, it depends on how much coffee I've had. Ideally, you'll get something out of it. Maybe aQuick Hotel Finder
